Q & A

Answers to questions about sexual relationships and the sex industry.

If you have a question, feel free to write me at askme@joyful-spirit.net. Even if your question is not published here, I will try to answer you privately.

Q. I am fairly inexperienced but every time I penetrate a woman it seems like a gun went off and it does not last and it's over way too quickly. I would love to pleasure the women, but when it comes to intercourse, I just can't. I know there are doctors out there for this. I wanted to pick your brain first and find out what you have to say.

A. If yours is a case of true premature ejaculation, then it is best to consult a clinic that specializes in helping gentlemen overcome this problem.

It may be, however, that your problem is simply due to your inexperience. In that case, the best remedy is to practice, Practice, PRACTICE, every chance you get, and see if this doesn't increase your staying power. (If it's not possible to practice frequently with a partner, then frequent masturbation may also assist you in overcoming your hypersensitivity and getting more in tune with your body.)

If you find that you do continue to have problems, even when having sexual intercourse regularly, you might try deferring intercourse until after you've cum once another way - either with your partner through manual or oral stimulation, or by yourself through masturbation. Most men last longer the second time around. In between, I recommend washing your penis and scrotum with cold water. This seems to help many men achieve erection and the intensity of arousal required for a second orgasm more quickly.

Bear in mind that intercourse usually lasts 3-7 minutes. Some men believe that if they experience an orgasm after 10-15 minutes, it's a premature ejaculation, but that would actually be a delayed ejaculation, compared to the average. Both you and your partner will benefit from taking your time with foreplay, ensuring a higher level of arousal, before you begin to have intercourse. It will make the overall experience better for both of you, and will increase her chances of experiencing an orgasm during intercourse.

Q. Please tell me where to find my partner's g-spot, how to recognize that I have found it and what to do to ensure the ultimate satisfaction.

A. The g-spot isn't something that you can locate in your partner without her feedback. Very often, women shun away from g-spot stimulation, initially, because it causes a sensation very similar to the need to urinate, and women are often concerned that they will urinate while being stimulated, so they resist. For this reason, it can be difficult to stimulate your partner's g-spot unless she's willing and eager to have it stimulated.

The g-spot is located about halfway between the mouth of the vagina and the cervix, on the anterior wall of the vagina (in other words, towards the front of her body). There's not really anything there that you can feel that will let you know where it is.

There are a number of toys on the market these days designed specifically for g-spot stimulation, but I recommend starting manually. Your fingers are ideal for massaging the g-spot -- although make sure your nails are neatly trimmed and not sharp, and also remember that the skin on your fingers and hands is rough and tends to soak up moisture, so use LOTS of lubrication anytime you are manually stimulating a woman.

Always start with a light touch, and increase the pressure in accordance with her feedback. Either you or she may wish to lightly (teasingly) stimulate her clitoris while you are massaging her g-spot, to enhance her sensation. You will probably find that the muscles of her vagina will clutch and clamp on your fingers as she approaches orgasm -- and this is good because it will help her to train her vaginal muscles to manipulate a penis inside her so that she can later achieve g-spot orgasms during intercourse.

Q. What is your ideal client?

A. My ideal client is mature -- 35 years of age or older -- married (more or less happily, if seeking a little more satisfaction in some areas), possibly a father or grandfather, well-educated and with a good career -- a gentleman with a solid social presence and a position in his community.

The reason I prefer this type of client is because I believe he knows what he wants from an escort, is most like to appreciate her services, and keep the relationship in perspective.

Q. Is it better to go through an agency, or with an independent escort?

A. The answer to this question depends on your preferences.

If you prefer younger (18-25) escorts, and/or you prefer a lot of variety, then an agency might be best for you. Since there is no training program where escorts can go to learn their trade, most young escorts "apprentice" (in a manner of speaking) by working through agencies. Younger escorts benefit from the agency's experience, and the agency provides some structure, as well as a "safety net" for the inexperienced escort. Very often, young escorts leave the agency and go independent, as soon as they feel comfortable doing so.

With respect to variety, the customer may benefit from establishing a rapport with the agency. The agency learns the customer's preferences over time, and this helps them to match him with new talent meeting his preferences.

However, if you prefer mature and experienced escorts, and/or you are looking for someone special -- a "courtesan" class escort that you can develop a relationship with and see regularly -- then an independent is likely a better choice for you.

Q. I enjoy performing oral on my girlfriend, but she has difficulty relaxing enough to have an orgasm. What can I do to help her cum this way?

A. This is a difficult question, and one I hear all the time.

I recommend that you forget about giving her an orgasm, and focus instead on teasing and delighting her, giving her relaxation and pleasure, with no pressure to cum. Take a lesson from women, in this regard. When a woman fellates a gentleman, she usually does so in such a way as to prolong his pleasure by collaborating with him to delay his orgasm -- as good as orgasms feel, getting there is definitely more than half the fun.

If you stop worrying about giving her an orgasm, and focus only on giving her pleasurable sensation, she may surprise you one day! And once she starts cumming from your oral attentions, you may find it hard to get her to stop!

Q. I am married and I love my wife, but for the past few years, our sex life hasn't been as satisfying as it once was. I am thinking of calling an escort, but I feel guilty. Isn't it cheating?

A. Your wife will probably think so, if she finds out! Still, using the services of an escort may be your best option, and in that case, it will be up to you to conduct yourself discreetly, so as not to hurt your wife.

As couples mature, it isn't uncommon for them to develop some disparity in their individual sexual interests. One partner may find that sex is too infrequent, or that there isn't enough variety to be satisfying.

When a married man finds himself in this predicament, his first and best course of action is to try to work the problem out with his partner. This is, of course, the ideal solution, but it isn't always possible. Sometimes problems stem from physical circumstances, irreconcilable schedules, more important priorities, or by fundamental differences in sexual beliefs that cannot be resolved. When trying to work out the problem with his partner fails, a gentleman has a number of options.

He can resign himself to being dissatisfied for the rest of his life. This is not a pleasant proposition, but many gentlemen accept it.

He can leave his wife, and look for a new partner, with whom he'd have a more satisfying sexual relationship. However, many married men love their wives and don't want to abandon them! While they may be dissatisfied in this one area, there may be many other qualities about their wives that they value, even cherish. Not to mention that they have a shared history, family, home, social circle, etc. Even in cases where there isn't much else to the relationship, divorces can be expensive, stressful, and painful. Many gentlemen simply aren't willing to undergo a divorce -- or put their wives, children, family and friends through one!

He can have an affair -- but these are often messy and can well result in a divorce or social embarrassment when the affair breaks up. For many gentlemen, an affair would compound their guilt, because now they feel they're not being fair to two women!

He can "play the field," having one-night stands and such. This is expensive, stressful, and difficult enough for the average single gentleman to pull off! A married man, with a high need for discretion, will find it damned near impossible.

He can use the services of an escort. This may well be the most ethical and humane option for a man who must go outside his marriage to find satisfaction. The relationship between a professional and her client is "contractual" -- in other words, each knows what to expect. It's neat, discreet, and poses no threat to the gentleman's marriage, family, professional or social standing.

All things considered, escorts are a good choice for married men. A good escort will never threaten or compromise your home situation, and you always know what you're going to get and what it's going to cost you, up front. Seeing an escort occasionally can take some of the pressure off your relationship with your wife, and improve your marital relations. Gentlemen have used professional service providers this way for centuries.

Q. What do you think of Viagra?

A. Frankly, I think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread!! While it isn't the solution for every problem, I've seen quite a few cases where it has significantly enhanced a gentleman's ability to perform and enjoy an encounter.

If you believe that Viagra might help you "include more joy in your life," see your family doctor about a trial prescription. There are also clinics in most major Canadian cities that can assist you in a trial of Viagra. Check out Pfizer's Viagra site for some good info.